There is a Woman...

On the night of January 18th, 2008, the Cloverfield Monster ravaged New York on it’s opening night, selling out in all theatres across Manhattan. And while half the country prepared for the midnight release, a small band of raiders assembled in Tempest Keep. And now, Kael’thas Sunstrider is dead at the hands of Addiction.



But there was something more exciting than all of this. But to understand this, let me tell you a story of man. A story that provides a glimpse of what this guild is about, of who our role models are and the behavior that its leaders encourage.

On a night similar to this one, roughly six years ago, the elevator stopped working at a particular dorm on the campus of the University of Michigan. For the better part of an hour it was stuck on the 12th floor, its doors opening and closing on the body of a naked man sprawled in the hallway.

The evening began with this individual pouring a coffee mug full of vodka, downing it, then smashing the mug on the floor and yelling a battle cry. He then undressed, and was forcibly dragged in a semi-conscious state up to the girls’ floor, where he proceeded to run from room to room and expose himself to those inside before finally collapsing in an open elevator and spending the rest of the night there.

The name of this man is Danrax, the Pride of Michigan. And though he no longer leads the same college lifestyle, he has in his advanced age found new hobbies. One of these is the infamous Secret of Scholomance, a rumored path to riches and fame that has had quite a few big names on Auchindoun talking.

The premise is simple: Scholomance, the pre-BC level 60 dungeon, was used in an unintended way to make 200-300g in about 20 minutes, repeatedly. It could be done by any class of any profession. It was impossible to do this before the expansion. It was not an exploit, it was in no way a bannable offense.

And then the Daily Clues started rolling in:

"It is NOT an item."

"You can easily discover this if you spend enough time in the instance."

"It is not the warlock or paladin mount quests."

And perhaps the most famous:

"There is a woman, deep within Scholomance…"

The Scholomance Mystery Secret Society was formed. The movements of Danrax were tracked across the world. The Society had agents positioned at the Bulwark in Tirisfal Glades with goggles looking far into the distance attempting to catch Danrax zoning in. One Society member went as far as gquitting his girlfriend’s character, a rogue, and using a camouflage elixir while stealthed to observe suspicious activity. This could have resulted in a serious repercussions, such as DKP loss or permanent removal from the guild, but the needs of the Society were greater.

And soon the other guilds learned of this. They wanted the knowledge for themselves. There were offers of thousands of gold for the secret. RA quoted a figure of 4000g from the guild bank for a demonstration… but Danrax only laughed. He could make that much in 2 hours, and did.

And it was promised that once Addiction kills Kael’thas the secret will be revealed. And so it shall.

One night Danrax was in Scholomance farming shards and making his way through a handle of Belvedere. He received an interesting tell, in badly written broken English, offering 300g for help killing the boss for the shaman epic quest in Scholomance. This tell was from a Chinese farmer who played from a LAN center where the expansion wasn’t installed. This farmer was the Woman.

Danrax agreed, and so pleased was the Woman with him that she brought all her friends - many in number, all from the LAN center, unable to access the items of Outland but having pockets lined with gold. Each run came with a tip, and when the dust settled Danrax was comfortably sitting on upwards of 10,000 gold.

This is the truth, and the truth hurts. If the death threats and attempts on Danrax’s life were bad before, they will surely be worse now. But notice that at no point did Danrax lie - there is indeed a woman, it is not an exploit, it is not an item. The more time you spend in Scholomance the likelier you are to discover it - i.e. have a farmer ask you to run them through the quest.  

And where is Danrax now? His last words in officer chat were "lol guys I gotta go after this attempt, replace me". He went to the midnight release of Cloverfield, betting on the fact that Kael wouldn’t die until Monday. Bad choice. He was seen this morning, but in a parking lot of a movie theater and not a dorm elevator:



But on a more serious note: grats on Kael, get ready for Hyjal and Black Temple. To those who are not keyed, it is your job to make sure you do - if you do not, you will be left behind like many others before you, begging on the streets for invites to other guilds’ raids. You will find yourself on the side of the road, in a ditch, passed out naked wearing crotchless panties. Backwards.

Or after years of soul-searching, end up married to this:

Until next time. Which by all indications will be quite soon.