NOM NOM NOM

Azgalor is dead, and we put enough effort into learning him for a separate update instead of the mish-mash we had last time:



What a terrible picture. I’d like to know whose idea it was to give all these bosses such uninteresting death poses. Winterchill is a shiny ball, Anetheron is a breastplate similar to a level 9 quest reward in the Barrens, and the mighty pit lord Azgalor just kind of flops over. I personally think it would be far cooler if he was sprawled about, impaled on his own spear, the end sticking out of his mouth and dripping with blood, drool, and awesomeness. Or at least make it look like I ripped his arm off and beat him to death with it like in God of War. Too graphic for a Teen rated game? Fine then, maybe swing him around by his tail like Bowser in Super Mario, and have Thrall jump into the air and drop kick him in the jaw like some unholy combination of Chuck Norris and a bad Chinese martial arts film with the word "dragon" in the name.  
 
So to make up for Blizzard’s design shortcomings I supplement the above with an epic killshot of my own:



And in addition to this, we have been once again defeated by the most epic encounter of them all, the post-kill screenshot. "Okay guys, make a line, in front of him, where I’m standing. Blood elves and undead in front, tauren and mounted people in the back. Face the camera. Try not to stand on each other for the love of god." I say it every time, and every time we end up with some horrid monstrosity like the above, standing on a slope with the boss far away and out of focus, with some clown launching heart fireworks.

Take a look at this screenshot by Vis Maior, who was the world first guild to down the Sunwell boss Brutallus on the PTR:



See how they’re all lined up, spaced apart? Without retarded cows standing in the front facing the wrong way? Let’s work on that next time. Though it will be hard. Far harder than any boss positioning and movement Blizzard can think up. We have the problem-solving intelligence and capacity to learn new fights, but there are some that fail amazingly at the simplest things.

A few weeks ago, when a few of our members ran Naxxramas with Reckless Ambition, it was observed that some of their hunters were, to put it lightly, drooling mouthbreathers. They kept using Hunter’s Mark, which annoyed our own resident mouthbreather Mr. Kazajin (he was specced survival, and hence had the improved version of Hunter’s Mark). Saying this in vent did nothing, since an abundance of drool made it hard to speak, so he decided to take initiative and create a secret hunter channel. To discuss hunter things.

He named the channel "hunterzzzzz".

It didn’t last long, since he himself was unable to count the number of Zs in the name. Not letting himself be discouraged, he came up with a new, clever, and ingenious name: "hunterz". "With one Z".

I don’t know how that run and the disagreement over Hunter’s Mark ended, but I do know that two days later Kazajin gave the name of the channel to several Synergos hunters in an attempt to educate them. Those individuals proved to be spies. And before long their entire guild made the channel their home, and began discussing deep philosophical points such as "What Would Chuck Norris Do If He Was A Raptor Zombie And Kael’thas Was A Ninja Snake NOM NOM NOM".

It was time to found a new channel. But one day on vent Kazajin made a terrible mistake. He mumbled something to himself, but forgot to let go of push-to-talk. Normally I wouldn’t notice such a thing, but hours combing Danrax’s drunken commentary for potential clues about Scholomance taught me to listen, and think.

The words he said were "ooh, Althaea has joined huntercraft".

And that was the end:



Fail. Like I said: problem-solving intelligence, little common sense.

And one last thing - with Azgalor’s death, we were promised pictures of a different kind of mouthbreather, our very own Mr. Pezz. Sadly Rooraman, my associate in Seattle, has not posted these pictures due to entertaining special guests from across the country and having an unfortunate few weeks of Arena.

I did, however, manage to find a picture of Pezz - or at least what I personally imagine he looks like:

He’s the one on the right.

As bosses get harder the updates may come farther apart. Until next time.